The first qualifying round for the new Handbell event at the Olympics.
Due to an apparent typo by the International Olympic Committee, men’s and women’s “handbells” have been added to the Olympic Games. According to a source who wished to remain anonymous for this story, the error occurred when spell check changed handball to handbell shortly before publishing the final schedule for the 2016 games in Rio. “The schedule was correct when we wrote it”, says the unnamed official, “but then spell check changed the name of the sport without anyone noticing”. In a act of quick thinking, the official rules committee quickly released rules for the new handbell sport. Teams of 7 must perform two 30 minutes sets of music with one 10 minute break, earning points for musicality, endurance, and inventive damping. Referees will issue penalties for marts played from higher than 2 tacos above the table and crossing arms while weaving. Any ties will be broken by performing Kevin McChesney’s “Now the Green Blade Riseth” as fast as possible. No word yet on if handbells will be added to the 2020 Olympic games in Tokyo.